Feeling Thankful

Feeling thankful this morning for so many things - I felt like I must hop onto blogspehere and share. Some mornings... well... some mornings I'm simply so thankful that I nearly burst!

Here are some things I'm thanking God for this morning...

Wet kisses from my favorite furry friend, our Golden Retriever, Buddy (who happens to be the best dog on the planet earth!).

Long goodbyes with my husband before he departs for work for the day (overwhelmingly thankful for the way he sacrifices to provide for our family!).

The way the snow glistens in the sun on this beautiful Michigan morning in January!

A working washer and dryer. (Love the swishing sound that the washer makes when it's running. I'm ever-so-grateful for the loved ones I share my life with who make this laundry possible.)

A day off from the busyness of ordinary life for Martin Luther King day... including no school for my daughter, Chloe!

A good nights rest!

Prayer warriors who lift me up in prayer daily.

Friends whom I can feel safe with and trust completely.

My freedom of speech.

God's protection on snowy, icy roads.

Our servicemen and women who are fighting for our country while I live a life privileged by their sacrifices.

Women of faith who have gone before me who were brave enough to stand for what they believed in.

A warm home.

Cell phone service.

Great books I'm enjoying reading right now... (A Perfect Mess by Lisa Harper, Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman, Honestly by Johnnie Moore, A Women After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George and Women of The Bible by Ann Spangler).

Thank You God for another day of being blessed. Thank You for your provision. Thank You for Your comfort and strength. Thank You that You've promised to never leave me or forsake me. Thank you for Your mercy and grace and for calling me Your precious child even though I am messy and awkward. Thank you for calling me to do Your work even through my own failures and fusses. You are a great God and I am in awe of Your presence in my life.

How about you? What are YOU thankful for today? I'd love to hear!!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

Lessons On Gratitude

It was a cool spring day. I remember it well. And it had been raining. An ordinary Tuesday morning. Or was it?

We had been to a series of doctor appointments for my husband. And each one harder than the next. I remember how tired I was of hearing the statistics. Each one revealing truth to us that my ears were not prepared to hear.

"You realize, Mr. and Mrs. Bender, this is a risky surgery, don't you?" One doctor had said. So cold. So.... matter-of-fact.

"Doesn't all surgery come with some sort of risk associated with it?" I'd asked. Frozen in fear and retaliating against what I already knew would be his answer.

"Yes. Yes you are right about that. But this one is... well... more risky."

And hadn't it been just 18 months ago that we underwent the same risk? Didn't he know what we had been through? His first surgery was risky. It was on on a business trip in Arizona just before Christmas of 2009. What was supposed to be a routine 4-day trip turned into a 21 day ordeal. A high fever... a severely elevated white blood cell count... a grim prognosis... diverticulitis... doctors preparing for the worst...thousands of miles from his home... a call to a wife with hard news... a ruptured bowel... inevitable surgery...surgeons... complications... respiratory failure... re-intibation... 50% chance of survival...a flight to Arizona... a scared daughter... a frightened wife and mother... a long recovery... painful restoration.

I wanted to run out of that doctors office. I wanted to run and hide and remember a more happier time. A cold, crisp day in March, some 15 years before when we had exchanged wedding vows in the First Presbyterian Church. Weren't we so beautiful then? So alive? So in love? So... whole?

I had known sad days before. I had known bad news before. Like the call we received on a cold snowy day in February that his friend from high school had been killed. Tragically. A car accident had taken the life of this 27 year-old man in front of his own daughter!

Or like the day we lost my sweet grandma. She was seventy year's young when God called her home. And we weren't ready. We weren't prepared. A visit to her bedside as she lay in a white, sterile hospital room were the memories I had of my last words with this sweet lady who had practically raised me!

But this time it was different.

He was my husband. And I wasn't ready to make such big decisions concerning life... and death.

But life is like that, isn't it? Some things sort of sneak up on you when you're not looking.

And I remember clearly the words of a pastor who once said, "You're in one of three stages in this life. You're either just coming out of a tough season, you're in one now or you're getting ready to go through one soon." And it's true. We all land in one of those 3 categories.

And I had already been counting gifts at this time. Knee-deep in a gratitude project I'd started months before. Inspired by a book and based on a dare, I had committed to listing 1,000 things I was grateful for.

Seemed simple really. Who can't find one thousand things they are grateful for? And it's so easy to find the things you are grateful for when you are paying attention...

Your children's laughter
The smell of a freshly baked apple pie
A cool afternoon breeze in the spring
The crackling of a fireplace
A smile
A hug
The birds
The trees

It's all beauty. All around us. And it's when we choose to SEE these things with eyes wide open that we can truly give thanks to the God who created this vast universe with all it's pleasures.

But what do you do when you're counting gifts and the joy doesn't come because all you hear is noise? When the reality of your world is doubting doctors and grim prognosis's and you can't see past today because today is littered with uncertainty and pain and sadness and tears? What then?

And I dig deep into the word to find it and I desperately call on God for help because this journey - it's not easy. And the road is sometimes curvy and the valleys sometimes run too deep and too wide. And we get tired and we loose sight of why we're here.

This... this is reality.

It's reality for cancer patients.
It's reality for parent's who've lost a child.
It's reality for victims of rape.
It's reality for those who've been imprisoned or impoverished.

It's reality... we all hurt sometimes. And I search for what to call it... maybe it's this "fight for joy" that's so hard sometimes.

But we have a word that we can hold tightly too. It's a word I've only recently discovered. The word is Eucharisteo.

The Greek word, Eucharisteo can be found in Luke 22:19... "And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them..."

Gave thanks reads as Eucharisteo.

And isn't that a beautiful word?

Eucharisteo.

The root word for eucharisteo is 'charis', meaning, "grace". Jesus took the bread and saw it as grace and grave thanks. He took the bread and knew it to be a gift and He gave thanks.

But there's more!

Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, 'charis'. But it also holds it's derivative, the Greek word 'chara', meaning "joy".

So consider this word... Eucharisteo... like a braid of three cords...

Grace - that which God gives us.
Thanksgiving - that which we can offer back to Him.
Joy - that which can be found in the midst of thankfulness.

And isn't that PRECISELY what Jesus did before He endured the cross.

He "took the bread and gave THANKS."

He gave thanks.

And still... even still... knowing what sort of pain and suffering He would endure... He shared a meal with his beloved disciples and gave thanks.

I find these words breathtaking.

But it's what Jesus came to do. He came to save mankind from their own sin and suffering. He endured the pain that should have been for you and for me. He erased the debt. He went to the cross doing what? Giving thanks.

It was in pure gratitude that He became the least to become the greatest story ever told.

And doesn't God expect the same from me?

Jesus offered thanksgiving for even that which would break Him and crush Him and wound Him and yet yield a bounty of Joy. So that you and I can experience the life filled with joy which is found on the mountain of gratitude.

Gratitude, I believe, can save us from all the pain this world has to offer. And we have REAL pains. REAL problems. REAL sickness and disease and suffering.

Gratitude, according to Psalm 50:23 is directly linked to our salvation... "He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God."

And isn't that it? Isn't expressing gratitude often times a sacrifice?

It was for me. On that cool spring day in early 2011.

I will admit the gratitude that had once poured from my lips before that spring day now came to a screeching halt. The words... they wouldn't come. My reality was overwhelming and the mountain was too big. Gratitude would not come easy and this gratitude journal seemed to have become another unfulfilled commitment.

But on that drive home it hit me. On that drive home in that early morning in April God spoke to me as audibly as I have ever heard Him before. In my spirit I heard these words... "Wendy - Trevor is not yours, He's mine. He belongs to Me. And I love him more."

"I love him more."

I can't explain the calm that came over me on that crisp spring morning. The peace was incredible. And now it began making sense.

You see - God doesn't promise us days without rain. He doesn't promise us a life without pain. But when we can take the pain, the suffering, the ugly in this world and turn it in to praise before a Father who's grace is freely given, He can use it and make it something beautiful.

Phil 4:11-12, "I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little."

It was Martin Luther King Jr. that said, "If you want to change the world, you've got to pick up a pen." And wasn't that what I was doing - counting gifts... blessings... before I allowed fear and bitterness to settle in and make it's home within me?

"Life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change."

I had found myself continuing to ask God - why me? Why him? Why now?
But "God wants our questioning of Him to be smaller and or desire for Him to be bigger."

We were created by God - for God. To bring honor and glory to Him. Period. That's it. Why are we so trying to complicate it? Everything we do should bring honor and glory to Him. And how can we do that when we're questioning His goodness? I am reminded of a song that really got me through those few rough weeks before Trevor's surgery this past June... Maybe you've heard it - it's called Blessings by Laura Story. Here's a portion of those lyrics...

"We pray for blessings. We pray for peace. Comfort for families, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering. We pray for wisdom, your voice to hear. We cry in anger when we cannot feel you near. We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love. As if every promise from your word was not enough. But what if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know your here? And what if trials of this life - are your mercies in disguise?"

When we fail to give thanks... when we fail to extend gratitude - we are basically saying we doubt God's goodness and we don't believe in His sovereignty.

You see I have been abundantly blessed in this life.

I've been blessed by parents who adore me.
Blessed by a wonderful husband whom I don't deserve.
Blessed by a daughter who is smart and respectable and who loves the Lord.
I have a nice house, have had some wonderful jobs, great friends, wise mentors, good health, reliable transportation, and a deep relationship with my Heavenly Father.

But it is only when we are completely emptied that we become most full. Because it's through the cracks that we can see the most light.

I have a pitcher at my house that was broken some years ago. A family heirloom that was shattered into pieces when it fell from the top of our refrigerator some years ago. Not wanting to part with this precious pitcher that had been used to pour drinks from by my grandma and my grandma's grandma, I decided to attempt to put the pieces back together. It was a long process and it took a lot of time and patience. But I was able to restore MOST of the pieces to their original location, forming together once again... a whole pitcher. The one thing it is lacking in it's wholeness is the ability to be used for holding liquids. There are too many hairline fractures that would not be able to withstand a heaviness of water or juice or milk. But that is okay. I can use it for other things. I can use it to remind me that God uses us... in all of our brokenness... in all of our failures... even when we've messed up... even when the joy is gone... even when there are too many cracks in us. God can still use us. I am convinced that that pitcher is more beautiful now than it was before it was cracked - because now it allows the sunlight to penetrate it's porcelain walls. A life's lesson was birthed through that cracked pitcher. And I am thankful for the story I can now share with others who need to hear about restoration and reconciliation. And gratitude.

Because what I have learned is that Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives.

Whatever He chooses to give.

Eucharisteo... the Greek word with the hard meaning.

I don't want to live in the darkness. I long to live in the light. I long to find the joy that Christ died on a cross for me to have. And so I must learn to accept every gift He gives and receive it with gratitude in my heart and thanksgiving on my lips.

And so my gratitude project continues. And I realize it's not just about keeping a list. It's about making thanksgiving a habit in my daily living. In order to honor Him I must learn how to be thankful with everything and in everything. And so I press forward in my fight for joy. Because pleasing the Father is what is most important... to me! It's the discipline this weary soul needs because though the world is ugly, it is beautiful. And I can slow and I can trust and I can receive each moment as a gift. Eucharisteo. Eucharisteo. Eucharisteo.

And again I read... "Life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change."

My list continues. Those things I am thankful for? I'm past 700 now in my journaling. Still practicing. Still building the discipline that will draw me closer to my creator.

# 604 Smiles from strangers
# 618 Wind through my hair
# 638 Early morning quiet times with God
# 692 A full tank of gas
# 699 Lazy Sunday afternoons
# 711 A cracked pitcher
# 723 Good... no great doctors
# 740 A husband's restoration of health
# 749 God's mercy
# 754 A second chance

I choose gratitude. Habakkuk 3:18 says, "I will take joy." And I believe it starts with a heart of gratitude.

I choose gratitude. Will you?

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

Praise You Anyway

God... remind me today that YOU are in charge. Not me.

Help me to be satisfied with WHERE I am and with WHO you are.

Help me to realize the things that I NEED may not always line up with what I WANT and that's okay. Because you love me THAT much and You have great things planned for my life.

I have made the decision that I am going to PRAISE YOU anyway.

Through my tears... I'll praise You anyway.
Through the pain... I'll praise You anyway.
Through my doubt... I'll praise You anyway.
Through my fear... I'll praise You anyway.
Through the storms... I'll praise You anyway.
Through the sickness... I'll praise You anyway.
Through the rejection... I'll praise You anyway.
Through all my failures... I'll praise You anyway.
Through the suffering... I'll praise You anyway.
Through the persecution... I'll praise You anyway.

Even if that means standing ALONE.
Even when I don't FEEL like it.
Even when others don't AGREE.

You have never failed me.
You have never given me more to handle than strength to overcome.

You are FAITHFUL.
You are MERCIFUL.

You are GOOD. ALL the time.

And I will choose to praise You anyway.

Amen.

My Continued Journey In Gratitude

My journey to gratitude began with a simple book. This book. And it changed my life. A dare really. A dare to live fully right where I am. In the midst of pain... to be grateful. In the midst of sorrow... to be grateful. In the midst of tears and suffering... to be grateful. To feel genuine gratitude for everything regardless of how I feel. Regardless of my circumstances. To feel grateful is where joy is found. And it's when I'm on the hunt for those things that I'm grateful for that peace and joy can be most experienced.

I used to believe that being grateful was a feeling. To FEEL thankful or be FEEL grateful for something or someone. But I was wrong. Being grateful is a gift. It's an opportunity. It's not what I have to do - it's what I get to do. Being grateful is a privilege. It's a honor. Because the bottom line is this... if I waited until I FELT grateful, true gratitude might never come and therefore I most likely will be robbed of the joy Christ died for me to have! There is no joy to be had when you're ungrateful.

I could wait until I FELT like thanking God for the things He's blessed me with, but catch me on a bad day when everything is going wrong and I might allow bitterness and regret to seep in and take over. Studies have shown that the human body can only feel one emotion at a time. And if that is true - allowing ourselves to be bitter can only lead to selfishness, making no room for gratitude and thankfulness.

It's a challenge. That's why in Ann's book she calls it a DARE. The journey to JOY is not always easy. Being grateful in the midst of living in this war zone we call our world... our home... is not an easy task. But it's the only way we can receive and own pure joy.

Ann says in her book, "While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the FEELING of joy begins in the ACTION of thanksgiving."

The English Standard Version for Habakkuk 3:18 says this, "I will take joy." I love that. It doesn't say I will FEEL joy. It says I will TAKE joy. It's as if we're giving our order, "I'll take joy please." It's how each day should begin. I take joy. I will choose for joy to be mine. And I will pay for that joy with gratitude.

My personal journey to 1,000, which began with a dare... my challenge to NAME ONE THOUSAND things I am thankful for... is growing:

223.) The joy of praying for others
235.) Getting to pick Chloe up from school every day
239.) Good test results at the hospital
257.) A full To Do list and then checking off my progress
262.) Forgiveness and mercy from the Father
272.) An empty tomb!
275.) Gorgeous lavender lilacs sitting as a centerpiece on my kitchen table
280.) Grilled salmon
288.) Green lights when I'm running late
294.) Being a mom
298.) Having a husband who is committed, faithful and loves me unconditionally
305.) An unscheduled Saturday
318.) God's restoration through my weaknesses
320.) Deep bellyaching laughter
327.) Power restoration following a storm
330.) Hearing Chloe memorizing scriptures for school
338.) Watermelon
347.) Long visits with friends
352.) Healing
358.) Live worship

The count to 1,000 continues. I press on daily to find the beauty in everyday living. Why? Because I want to live fully. Because I choose Joy. Because I believe what Jesus said in John chapter 10, verse 10... "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." He didn't die for us to live mediocre lives... barely hanging on. He came so that we could have life ABUNDANTLY. And living with gratitude produces joy which in turn produces abundant lives. I want to experience the abundance. Don't you?

Giving thanks keeps our gaze on heaven.

Be thankful. Take joy. Find heaven.

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

Code Blue

Recently my family and I went through a pretty scary event. My husband had major surgery on June 17 and I must admit that many of us were fearful of the outcome. We knew God was in control. We knew that we had many (MANY) people who were fervently praying for us. And still, we were scared.

As I've said many times on this blog, my prayer daily is that God would make me a blessing to others. That God would use me in a powerful way. Every single day I pray that God will empty me of me and fill me with more of Him. Yet I found myself in a place where if using me to be a blessing to others caused me to have to give up the love of my life, my husband, well... then maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought I was.

During the first couple hours of his surgery a loud voice came over the intercom system at the hospital. We had been used to these announcements for a while now... paging this doctor and that doctor. But this one was different. We knew this one was different. Perhaps it was the urgency in her voice. Maybe it was how THIS announcement was more crystal clear than any other one we'd heard that morning. And so... at a table surrounded by people I love the most in this life... we listened. Intently. And here is what it said...

"Attention Hospital... CODE BLUE on surgical floor 2. Attention... we have a CODE BLUE on surgical floor 2."

THIS was my husband's floor! I felt my knees go weak. I felt my heart sink deep into my chest. For a minute I lost it. I felt hot all over. Sick to my stomach and more fearful than I've ever been in my life. And then these thoughts came over me... WHY isn't anyone at my table talking? Could it be that they are as worried as I am? WHY would God take Him from me? This can NOT be happening.

Was this what Paul meant when he talked about suffering for Christ in the New Testament?
Was this this kind of suffering Romans teaches that produces perseverance?
Was this the suffering of Christ?
Was this God's design?
Was this God's purpose of using me to be... a blessing?

For several minutes I was frozen in fear. Unable to talk. Paralyzed.

And then the news came. It wasn't him. Praise GOD!
Thank you Jesus!
Our sighs of relief were heavy in the room.
We were grateful.
Thankful.

But...

Even though the Code Blue didn't belong to our loved one... it belonged to someone. Another family. Someone else's suffering. Their pain had just begun. Our relief was their reality. And thus, once again, my heart was heavy for these who were... left behind.

My husband came out of surgery 8 hours later and we were PRAISING GOD for His protection and His provision... for tremendous surgeons, wonderful doctors and phenomenal nurses who took care of my husband during some of the scariest hours of our lives.

But that family... the one who had lost their loved one on that day.. June 17th. They were still heavy on my mind.

And it got me thinking...

We will all face our own Code Blue one day.
All of us.
Not one of us is exempt.

There will be a time when we will all face our final days. Our final hours. The day that God will call us from this earth to begin an eternity in one of two places.

It's coming.
Our own Code Blue.
It could be today. It could be tomorrow. It could be next year, or it could be 25 years from now.
But we can be sure of one thing. It will come. One day.

So... it got me thinking even further. How are we living today? What kind of life are we living today that will make a difference for tomorrow? How are we allowing God to use us for His glory?

Who's lives are we touching?
Who are we lifting up in prayer?
How are we serving our spouse?
Is our focus on earthly possessions that will pass away or on things of eternity that will last forever?
How are our relationships?
When others see us - do they see the love of the Father?
Do we forgive those who've wronged us?

Life is short. We're only here for a while. Passing through this life. Our goal this side of heaven should be focused on shining for His glory and drawing people to Himself. When others look at us - they should see Jesus and all He died for us to have.

As Gloria Gaither says, "Jesus intended for us to be overwhelmed by the blessings of regular days. He said it was the reason He had come: 'I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.'"

These are the regular days we're living now. But they're the reason Jesus came. The reason He died on a cross. So that we could experience life abundantly. To live fully. To make each day count. Because the bottom line is - no one knows when the end is coming.

John 9:4 (HCSB) says, "We must do the works of Him who sent Me while it is day. Night is coming when no one can work."

In a devotional book called A Heart of Forgiveness (100 Devotions for a Woman's Heart), day 81 has this to offer about making each day count...

"The words of John 9:4 remind us that "night" is coming for all of us. But until then, God gives us each day and fills it to the brim with possibilities. The day is presented to us fresh and clean at midnight, free of charge, but we must beware: Today is a non-renewable resource - once it's gone, it's gone forever. Our responsibility, of course, it to use this day in the service of God's will and in accordance with His commandments. Today is a priceless gift that has been given to you by God - don't waste it! Don't stand on the sidelines as life's parade passes you by. Instead, search for the hidden possibilities that God has placed along your path. This day is a one-of-a-kind treasure that can be put to good use - or not. Your challenge is to use this day joyfully and productively. And while you're at it, encourage others to do likewise. After all, night is coming when no one can work..."

I know from experience that often times we focus on things that don't matter. We worry about things we can't control. We spend our days focused on things that won't matter a week from now, let alone in eternity. What matters most to God is that we spend every second of our lives worshiping Him and bringing Him honor and glory. Every day belongs to Him and every breath is a gift from a God who loves us more than we could ever imagine (Eph 1:4, "Long ago, even before He made the world God loved us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes.").

How are we living our lives? How are we making each day count? How are we pleasing the Father with our passion for His creation and how are we displaying His love to His children?

Night is coming. Our code blue will be here one day... there's urgency in deciding NOW how we are going to live for Him!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

In Honor of Father's Day, Part 1

Father's Day is coming and I wanted to do something special here on my blog to honor the two most amazing men in my life. Today's post... My Daddy (pictured here in 2006 with my Chloe and my sweet mom).




Dear Daddy...

On this, Father's Day 2011, I want to THANK YOU for giving me many reasons to love you...



Thank you for loving me unconditionally.
-There has never been a time when I didn't feel your love for me.
Thank you for the way you always provided for mom and I.
-Even when times were tough, you worked hard to provide for us.
Thank you for your generosity.
-You've always demonstrated Godly giving.
Thank you for your protection.
-You've always protected and defended me.
Thank you for always being on my side.
-No matter what, I have always known you had my back.
Thank you for teaching me practical life skills.
-I've always admired your wisdom and problem solving skills.
Thank you for your sense of humor.
-You've always made me laugh and taught me the importance of never taking myself or life too seriously.
Thank you for your honesty.
-I learned to trust because of you.

For giving me life.
For helping me up when I fell down.
For demonstrating Godly character.
For having patience.
For listening.
For laughing.
For loving.
For teaching.
For forgiving.
For supporting.
For growing.
For choosing to stay and be the kind of dad others should envy.

THANK YOU.

Thank you for living out this verse:

Deut 6:5-7, "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up."

I love you!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

Fear

Fear has set in this week.
It was a doctors visit. Just a visit. All of ten minutes and we walked out paralyzed with fear.

It happens, doesn't it? Sort of sneaks in on you when you're least expecting it.

I've prayed.
I've asked for peace.
I've asked for this fear to be removed.
And yet it remains.
I wake up... it's there.
I go to bed... it's there.

He's my husband. And I love him more than anything else or anyone else in this life. Yet what I know... deep down in my soul... is that no matter how much I love him, God loves him more. And what I've learned over the course of my life is that you can NOT out-love God. You just can't do it. He IS love. It's not just what he does - it's WHO He is. And I can't compete with that kind of love.

He loved him first. He loves him more.
He's not mine, Jesus... he is yours.
And I know that.
But even still it doesn't take away this fear. The anxiety. The dread.

And so I hold on. Tightly. To a God who loves me more than I could ever know.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who knows about suffering the greatest loss a heart could know... the agonizing death of an only Son.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who's grace and mercy extends as far as the east is from the west.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who says, "Don't be afraid for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." (Is 41:10)
Oh how I hold on. With both hands. A firm grip.

I am loved.
My family is loved.
I am protected.
I am forgiven.
I am chosen.
I am strengthened.
I am victorious.
I am held.
I am carried.

Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the One who goes before you. HE WILL be with you; He will neither fail you or forsake you." (emphasis mine).

And so I choose to receive His promise. I choose to be thankful IN my circumstances.

"'For I know the plans I have for you' says the Lord, 'They are plans for good and not for disaster; to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jer 29:11)

"For I know" ... can I trust Him?
"The plans" ... His plans, not mine.
"Plans for good" ... His desires are to see good things happen in my life.
"Not for disaster" ... when we weep, He weeps.
"Hope" ... it's what I choose to hold on tightly to.

And so... I press on. There is still work to be done. Still thankfulness to be demonstrated. Love to be given.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for THIS day. I will rejoice and be GLAD in IT!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

Finding Joy Where You Are

You might be like me if you find yourself telling your child, "You can do anything you want!"

I've told Chloe that a time or two. And I have good intentions when I say it - but the bottom line is that perhaps she can't be anything she wants to be. But she can be anything God wants her to be. And I believe that with all my heart.

When she tells me that her dream is to become a famous singer I mean well when I say, "Then go for it! You can do anything you want to do!" But here's my honest translation:

"God has big plans for you Chloe! If you want to sing - make a joyful noise unto the Lord! Do the very best you can! If you don't make it famous - know one thing for sure... that you gave it your best for His glory. Find joy in doing what you love."

At the end of the day all I want for my child is to do the very best she can with whatever gifts she's been given. Maybe God didn't give her the best voice on the planet, but if she wants to sing and she has real passion that drives her to be the best she can be - I'm gonna be one proud mama! I want her to know that if God doesn't choose to use her musically, she can still find joy in doing whatever He's called her to do. My prayer for her daily is that she will fall in love with Jesus and find pure joy in her journey.

Isn't that then how our Heavenly Father is with us? He wants the best from us at whatever it is we're doing. Right now. In this moment. We have been called to do something in this season of life... He just asks that we do it unto the Lord, with all of our souls, with all of our minds and with all of our strength. I believe that's what makes Him proud.

Maybe God is calling us to do big things for Him. Perhaps He is asking us to go out and change the world. But maybe... just maybe... He's asking us to first find joy where He's placed us RIGHT NOW. Here in this moment, JOY can be found. Joy isn't ONLY found in this mission field, on a stage or traveling across the country. Joy is also in those small, quiet places that nobody else sees but you. Take what God has given you... blessed you with... and find joy in that.

Maybe that's changing diapers.
Maybe that's working a drive-thru window at McDonald's.
Maybe that's cleaning toilets.
Maybe that's homeschooling.
Maybe that's volunteering in your local church.
Maybe that's mowing yards.

Joy CAN be found in those places too. God is using you RIGHT where you are for this season in your life. And He's preparing you for greatness... you and I just have to learn how to be content with what's He's provided us with so that we're ready to accept the BIG challenges He's got in store for us later on.

I don't mean that we should stop dreaming big! Because what I know is that God has given us all the gifts and talents we need to do, precisely, the work He's called us to do. He has enabled us and if we are willing to GO, He will lead!

I love what John Wesley says, "Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can."

You might have to read that one again.

The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.

God wants our best. At whatever we do. Large or little. The significant things and those that seem insignificant. Luke 16:10 says, "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much..."

Do the best you can, where you are, with what you have, now. Take the little. Make it much. And watch God grow you like you've never dreamed possible!

Your story isn't over.. it's just beginning!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

My Continued Journey In Gratitude

My gratitude journal has been one of the best things I've committed to doing in a long time. I find that it not only takes the focus off of me and onto God, but it gives me joy. Counting gifts. One by one. It's bringing joy in a truly remarkable way!

It's about seeing the world in a different way. Choosing to see beauty through the lens instead of ugly. It's teaching me that there is lovely in the unlovely... beauty in the brokenness, JOY in this journey.

Ah - the diligence of counting gifts. It's about commitment. It's a discipline that is teaching me how to look more like Jesus. It's turning my failures into fruit. I make my way back home... to Him... where I belong.

As told my author Ann Voskamp, "It's not the gifts that fulfill, but the holiness of the space. The God in it... this is supreme gift, time, God Himself framed in a moment."

God made everything. Everything is His.
And since God is love, shouldn't everything we see... everything we touch be seen as such? LOVE. BEAUTY.

My journey to 1,000... my challenge to NAME ONE THOUSAND things I am thankful for... is swelling:

113.) Train rides
118.) Laughter shared between friends
123.) School supply shopping
128.) Women who love Jesus
142.) Fresh, ripe purple grapes
147.) The book of James
153.) Selflessness
167.) Dinner on the deck in late spring
188.) Lazy, rainy Sunday afternoons with the windows open
197.) Pot roast cooking in the crock pot
205.) The sovereignty of God
209.) The power of prayer
214.) Feeling protected and defended

Psalm 50:23 says, "He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show Him the salvation of God." Thanksgiving is bringing honor to the Father and through that simple obedience of honoring God through acts of thankfulness we are allowing God to show us His fullest salvation in Christ.

The count to 1,000 continues. I press on daily to find the beauty in everyday living.

When it's hard to smile, when the pain is too unbearable, when the answer doesn't come, when forgiveness is not granted... stop. Count the blessings. See the miracles. They're there. We have to choose to see.

Mary Beth Chapman says it best in her book, Choosing To See (a story of the Chapman's journey of struggle and hope following the death of their young sweet daughter, Maria), "So God confirmed this truth yet again: I can choose to SEE His story, or I can miss it."

"When you SEE this, your heart will rejoice and you will flourish like the grass; the hand of the Lord will be made known." Isaiah 66:14 (ESV)

Let's not miss His story!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

Journey to Gratitude

Habakkuk 3:18 (ESV)...
"I will take joy."






If you've been following the blog, you've probably read that I'm in the middle of one of the best books I've ever read. It's entitled One Thousand Gifts by Ann VosKamp. Ann was encouraged several years ago by her friend to begin listing things that she was grateful for. What started out as just another "list" to manage, turned out to be her life's quest for finding the beauty in all things. A "hunt" for beauty and gratitude as described by Ann herself. She admits that first it was the dare that kept her going. But slowly, that dare turned into discipline and so it was because of that, the list went from "documenting 100 things I'm grateful for" to 200... to 500... to 700... to 1,000... and beyond. And is it ever ending? I don't believe it can be. When the list stops, does that somehow, then, signify an end to our gratefulness? Can it? I certainly hope not.

And so... inspired by the challenge set before me on the pages of this life-changing book, I've begun my quest for gratitude. All things beautiful.

And what have I learned so far? So much!

- That being grateful leaves little room for feeling frustrated.
Like last night. A night of chores. A busy night. Oh - and trash night. It was and I had forgotten. As I emptied out the kitchen bags - trash came toppling out. All over the floor. In every direction. And then I felt it. The familiar feeling of frustration... mounting high. Temperature elevated. I needed someone to blame. Was it the small hands that piled trash high in a bag that was already overflowing? Probably. Hadn't I already warned that this would happen and NOT to do it? Perhaps.... several times over. But what good did getting mad do? What right did I have to allow my frustrations to turn to anger? Slowly stepping back from the mess I remember. Eucharisteo. Charis (grace). Eucharisteo (thanksgiving). Chara (joy). A triplet of stars. Give THANKS for the moment. This is what brings joy. Think thanksgiving and you have no reason to feel anything other than joy. In the moment. I step back - - breathe deeply. And I choose joy. I choose to be thankful. Thankful that I have a family to even make a mess! Thankful to have a home in which to make the mess in! I am... grateful... and gratitude trumps resentment. It just does.

As Ann expresses in her book, "Feel thanks and it's absolutely impossible to feel angry. We can only experience one emotion at a time. And we get to choose - which emotion do we want to feel?"

I choose thankfulness.

I began this morning during my quiet time, adding to my gratitude list, the mornings simple blessings. They're simple really. Or are they?

- An Alarm clock that works.
- A little girl who is happy and easy to get out of bed for school.
- Bagels with cream cheese. One left! Praise God!
- A washing machine that works!
- A dishwasher that cleans dishes.
- Running water.
- A warm shower.
- Hairspray.
- A healthy dog.
- A working phone.
- Internet.
- Conversations with family members.
- A warm bed.
- Clean sheets.
- Good eyesight to read.
- Beth Moore devotionals.
- Working vehicle.
- A text from the hubs.
- Safe travels to and from school.
- Sunshine.

Things that seems small... trite maybe. But they are blessings. That which I don't deserve.

Colossians 2:7 says, "Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done."

Naming gifts. That's what it's about. "Naming offers the gift of recognition" says Ann VosKamp. "In Naming that which is right before me, that which I'd otherwise miss, the invisible becomes visible." "Naming these moments may change the ugly names I call myself."

And again I read... "Life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change."

A glimpse into my list... (I'm on # 92)

13.) Hugs
18.) Gentle rolls of thunder
34.) Date nights
53.) Corn on the Cob
62.) Bic Ultra Round Stic Grip pens... in blue
70.) The color burgundy
74.) A full gallon of milk
85.) Lunch dates with Chloe

Remembering to be grateful leaves little room for regret. Feeling thankful trumps feeling frustrated. But it takes work. It takes being intentional. And my biggest problem yet? Slowing down long enough to SEE what's here and now. Right in front of me. And being thankful in the moment. Choosing to SEE. Choosing to be thankful for whatever it is God has given me right now.

I choose gratitude. Will YOU too?

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

Gratitude

I've always considered myself to be a fairly grateful person. You know... I'm grateful for the blessings I have. Grateful for the my husband, my daughter, my parents, the sun, my warm bed and that piece of chocolate cake I had last night. These are things I am thankful for... grateful for. Blessings.

But what if we started looking at GRATITUDE in a different kind of light.

Last month I began reading the most amazing book. Written by Ann VosKamp, writer for DaySpring, a division of Hallmark, One Thousand Gifts is one of the most beautiful books I've ever read!

Ann was challenged by a friend to journal 1,000 things she is grateful for. One thousand things. What started out as a dare from a sweet friend became, in her own words, a "hunt". Grabbing the first pieces of scrap she could find, she begin writing her list... yet another list... of gratefulness.

What makes Ann's list so unique, is her ability to see beauty in the seemingly small things. Her list includes things like... Wind flying cold in her hair, jam piled high on toast and mail in the mailbox. MAIL IN THE MAILBOX? How many of us can actually say we'd even THINK about being grateful for mail in the mailbox? I don't know about your mailbox, but mine seems piled high with more bills than I have money to pay. And she's thankful for mail in the mailbox?

But here's some of the things that Ann has to say about gratitude and thankfulness...

"Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives."

"Jesus offers thanksgiving for even that which will break Him and crush Him and wound Him and yield to a bounty of joy." (Based on Jesus' gratefulness the night before going to the cross.) "He took bread, even the bread of death, and gave thanks."

"The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live... He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything."

"As long as thanks is possible, joy is always possible."

"Thanks is what multiplies the joy and makes any life large."

"Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant - a seed - this plants the giant miracle."

"When I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me."

"Life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change."

"I can always give thanks because an all-powerful God always has all these things - all things - always under control."

Truly and honestly inspired by Ann's writings on gratitude... this book has changed my life.

Isn't being thankful the point? Isn't living a life filled with gratitude and praise what God truly desires from His children? Seeing the beauty in everything. Living in the here and now. Making each moment count. Like the wind, these days will be gone in a flash. What are we soaking in NOW?

I was having lunch with a friend yesterday and her daughter was playing with my iPhone. She always enjoys seeing pictures of our golden, Buddy, and so it's become quite customary in our lunches together to allow her some time to see the latest pictures of our beloved pet.

In my attempt to locate one of our favorite photos, I began scrolling through the pictures. All 1,885 of them!! As the screen scrolled, flashes of photos went flying by. With one sweep of my finger, the days of our lives played out like a movie stuck on fast forward. Our life... in those photos... flashing by in an instant. The blink of an eye. As it turned out, I flew right past the one photo I was looking for and had to scroll back. More slowly this time. And pay attention. Or I would have missed it. Again.

God gives us opportunities every day to see His beauty. His magnificent blessings. But we have to be willing to slow down... or we'll miss it.

Martin Luther said, "If you want to change the world, pick up your pen."

And so begins... my journey... to my own 1,000 gifts. Blessings.















In the final moments that Jesus Christ shared with His disciples before He knew that He would willingly lay down His life on our behalf, what did He do?

“After He took bread, gave thanks, and broke it and gave it to them...”

In the original language, “gave thanks” is written eucharisteo. He gave thanks. He broke apart. He gave. The bread. Himself. Eucharisteo.

Eucharisteo... living joy, naming it, a life of thankfulness to God. One thousand gifts.

Can I do it? And beyond. We'll see. I think I can.

I've challenged Chloe to join me too. And how SWEET it is to see the things she's proposing to journal about. One thousand gifts through the eyes of a 10 year-old. Amazing stuff. Here's her first entry. How sweet is this?















Eucharisteo. Finding joy and living out that joy through thankfulness and gratitude to the One who makes living possible. Thank you Jesus!

In Philippians 4:11-12 Paul writes... "I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little."

There it is - the secret to living joy in every situation. Paul learned it... and so can we.

"... do this in remembrance of me." 1 Cor 11:25

Oh - and where am I in my quest to 1,000... number 46. By the way - number 45 is french fries. Just sayin'!

Will you join me in finding YOUR 1,000?

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

If These Walls Could Speak

Photo Courtesy of Photobucket.com






I heard a song the other day that made me think about this. What if the walls of my house could speak. What would they say?

I'd like to say that all they've heard is good stuff. You know - love, joy, happiness and laughter. But I know that's not the case. They've seen some hard stuff. Some not so pleasant stuff. Some stuff I'd rather forget about. But they do hold years of memories. I wonder... what WOULD these walls of my house say if they could speak? Would they remember...

the time Chloe broke her arm when she was just two years old. How she was so brave and barely cried at all.

the year Chloe turned two and we had that HUGE birthday party for her. A circus theme with a jumpy, a water slide, a tent and more food than we knew what to do with.

our first Christmas in our new house with no furniture just our large Christmas tree sitting in the middle of the room. Gosh that was a special Christmas!

the time when Buddy got sprayed by a skunk and it took WEEKS to get rid of the horrific odor in our house!!

rooms filled with laughter.

the slumber parties and sleepovers.

the call I received on that Sunday morning informing me that one of my best friends was in CCU following a brain aneurysm and was fighting for her life... the days following the loss of my sweet friend. A triplet. Taken too soon. The tears flowing.

a sick little girl throwing up at 2 a.m. following an undigested meal of shrimp scampi!

the summer Chloe learned to ride a bike.

family Christmases and Thanksgivings. Overcooked turkeys and sprinkles from sugar cookies. My grandmas recipe.

And what about a sick father taking his last breaths of life after a long and courageous battle with cancer. A wife grieving for the man she so desperately loved and feeling overwhelmed by the reality of a future without him.

The good times. The laughter. The hard times. The tears. The hard work. The long days. The sweat. The pain. The sickness. The healing. The forgiving. The mess. The joy. Our life. Oh what these walls have seen! And heard!

You see - - these are the best years of our lives and we don't even realize it! THESE are the good times. These are the times to be cherished. And we're missing it... if we're not paying close enough attention. If we blink, we might miss the stuff that makes our lives so... special. Rich. Vibrant. Colorful.

Can we learn more about how to pay attention? Living... real living.. is in the small things. The HERE and NOW. Breathe deep. Take it all in. One day we'll look back and wish we could be back... HERE.

What would your walls say?

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

Blessings Through An Ice Storm

What a week we've had in Southeastern Michigan! Late Sunday afternoon/evening, we were hit pretty hard with one of the worst ice storms this county has seen in decades! Low temps mixed with snow, sleet and rain, made for quite a disaster. Nearly 55% of the county woke up Monday morning to no power in their homes. And even as I type this post, many are still without heat, lights and running water. The devastation around our small city was something I haven't seen in my lifetime. Trees snapped and lying in the road, power lines split in half, siding torn off houses and icicles hanging from anything that stood still!

I remember waking up on Monday in the very early morning hours to the sight of a transformer up the street that was caught on fire and hearing the crackling of ice-laden branches all around us. It was, by far, the craziest night of my life. And the coldest. Just when we thought that spring was just around the corner following a stretch of warm temps and dry weather, we were hit pretty hard with a storm that many of us were not prepared for. And we're getting word that another storm is preparing to hit again tonight. This is, after all, Michigan. We should be used to the temperament of our beloved state.

Our home was without power for 48 hours. Only a few short hours, really. In the scheme of things - it doesn't seem like very long at all. But it's amazing how reliant we've become on even some very small, seemingly insignificant luxuries. Like Internet, for instance. And cell phone reception. And then there's the blessings of daily living I'm guilty of overlooking - like flushing toilets, clean clothes, warm water, blankets, socks, television, radio, a four-wheel drive vehicle, a working sump pump. I've been given so much more than just simple things... I've been granted a sumptuous life of which I've neglected to see as anything but ordinary. And then there's this idea that I somehow am deserving of any of it.

Ironically, last week I began a gratitude journal. Inspired by this book, I made a commitment to finding MY list of 1,000 things I am grateful for. You read that right... one thousand. And I'm on my way. I've included things like watching Chloe sleeping in the early morning hours, feeling Trevor's touch on my skin, hot water from the shower in the morning, the way onions and garlic hit a hot, sizzling, buttered pan. Simple things really... but magnificent things that can be so easily brushed aside if we aren't careful to pay close attention to them. Like the sun rise my husband woke me up to see last week. The colors were phenomenal! I've never seen anything like it. And it was worth getting up earlier than expected so that I could soak in the beauty. And there's so much more I'm missing... the birds chirping, the sound of our children laughing, the way sunlight hits the window just right and creates a rainbow of colors, the smell of a crackling bonfire in summer, the taste of warm cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. We are surrounded by beauty and blessings every day and we don't even realize it. At least I don't anyway. I've lived nearly forty years and failed to rejoice in the every day miracles happening all around me.

I desire for my life to be filled with gratitude. For everything God chooses to send my way. I believe it's there... where real joy is found. Ann Voskamp says in her book, One Thousand Gifts, "life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change." Oh how I want that! How I long to have enough peace within me, from Him, that I accept what I am given and ask for nothing to change. Ann continues with, "When I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me."

In keeping with a life filled with gratitude, I've made a list of the things I'm thankful for this week... in the midst of a devastating storm. I am thankful for:

1.) Friends who called or texted to make sure I was okay.

2.) Family who took us in from what could have been a very cold night at home.

3.) Chloe's health. Thankful that she had a fever the day before the storm so that we could take care of her properly and without having to infect another household.

4.) The four-wheel drive that was fixed in my truck just 2 weeks ago!

5.) The new tires on my truck.

6.) That Trevor is able to work in town and didn't have a long, exhausting drive on the slick roads.

7.) That our basement was spared from any water damage!

8.) For quick power restoration.

9.) That school was canceled, which allowed Chloe some time to recuperate and rest.

10.) That there appears to be no structural damage to our home despite a major tree that fell on one side of the house.

11.) That my dog is okay and was able to sustain the cold days of being home... primarily alone.

12.) That the food in our freezer stayed frozen and didn't have to be thrown out.

13.) That my parents never lost power.

14.) That we have not just one - but TWO working vehicles in our household.

15.) For a working washer and dryer.

16.) For the men and women who have been working around the clock to bring power back to thousands.

17.) For the mail carriers who risked their lives to deliver mail county-wide.

Thank you Jesus for the blessings You provided during the absence of basic luxuries. I pray that You use this storm as a reminder to me of all the things I have because of who You are. Don't let me take another minute for granted.

1 Thes 5:18... "Be cheerful {thankful} no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."

I choose joy. I choose gratitude. I choose love. And I believe each of these things go hand in hand.

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

The Kiss

So - every year my sweet husband takes my daughter to the Adrian Parks and Rec Annual Daddy Daughter Dance. It's a wonderful tradition that we started in first grade and it's something special that Chloe looks forward to every year! The closer to Valentine's Day we get - the more excited she gets! I love it! I love everything about it. Picking out the dress, doing the nails and make-up, curling the hair, making sure everything is just perfect! I love that they go to dinner before hand and that he usually takes her to get a "special ice cream or slushie surprise" following.

Another favorite is "the kiss" pose that we get every year! :) I just LOVE the kiss pose! Here are the last 3 years of daddy-daughter kisses just before the big night!

2009...














2010...















2011...















These are my favorite people on the planet earth and I thank God for them daily! I pray that their special bond will carry over for years to come! Chloe loves her daddy so much and I am ONE PROUD MAMA and ONE BLESSED WIFE!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

Thank You's

My parents raised me right. From a VERY young age I was taught to write Thank You cards to friends and relatives. I had to send them for birthday presents, Christmas presents, graduation gifts... just about any time someone gave me anything at all. I'm actually quite surprised I didn't send Thank You cards for people who sent me Thank You cards.

Honestly, though, what an amazing skill to teach your children!

I've always been very partial to card-sending and I have this strict lesson on Thank You card writing that my parents instilled in me early on to thank for it! I've even passed along my love of card-sending and Thank You card writing to my daughter. In fact, at this very moment she is playing the role of a pen-pal to my mother, her grandma, who only lives about 7 miles or so away from us! What a great experience it's been for her. And she LOVES getting letters and cards in return from her beloved grandma! It's been a very fun last couple months for her as she looks so forward to their tender exchange.

I had a conversation recently with someone about the very subject of Thank You card sending. This person has been the recipient of many of my cards over the years and counted each and every one of them as a blessing in her life. Unbeknownst to me, she had been saving them all the years of friendship and they each had special meaning to her. I had no idea that this simple act was making such a big impact on her life. But it was obvious that it has!

I thought I was the only one who kept cards from others over the years. I have two very LARGE boxes of thank you notes, sympathy cards, thinking of you notes and just because letters in my closet. My dear husband doesn't share my adoration for these priceless memories, but because my life was shaped by MANY of the loving words that adorn these special pieces of paper... I keep every single one of them. Just like my friend.

See...















To me, there is just something about a card from a friend that makes my day. It says to me:

they care about me
they're thinking about me
they took time out of their busy life for me
they appreciate me

In this modern day technological-frenzy world we live in, there's just something special about getting a hand written note from someone that you love. Come one now - anyone can send a text or an email... but a hand written note says "I care".

I am thankful to my parents for instilling such a selfless lesson of love in me. I consider card-sending just another way I can serve others and I will continue the tradition proudly. For those who've blessed my life with cards, letters and notes... THANK YOU. I've been truly blessed!

Col. 2:7, "...let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done."

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

A Note on THANKfulness...

It was almost a year ago that our family's world was... forever changed.

It was mid December when my husband, Trevor, was called away on business to Arizona. I wasn't too happy about him leaving in the middle of what was a very hectic and BUSY Christmas season for us here in Michigan, but I knew he had to go. It was only supposed to be a 3 day trip. He left on a Tuesday and was supposed to be back on Friday afternoon. No big deal. There and back.

But, God had different plans.

I don't know if you're like me, but there are times when... I just don't "feel right" about a situation. And this was one of those times. I remember the morning he left for the airport. He had left just moments before we had and as we turned left and he turned right, I remember thinking about how much I loved him and how much we were going to miss him. Anyone who knows me - knows I am pretty sentimental about these sorts of separations, but this one... this time... it just... felt different.

Two days into his trip I received a phone call from him saying that he was going to have to stay an extra 2 or 3 days in Phoenix. Apparently, there were some problems on one of the vehicles they were up-fitting and this was going to require an extra stay.

I was bummed. This meant that he wasn't going to be able to do last minute Christmas shopping with me and it also meant that I was solely responsible for all of the final Christmas arrangements that needed to be made. Shoot!

On Friday morning I received a phone call from Trevor asking me what he should take for an upset stomach. "I think I had some bad Mexican food or something" he said when he called to ask me whether he should take, "Pepto or Kaopectate?"

We finished the conversation with him telling me he was going back to the hotel to go to bed for the night. I should have known then - that something wasn't quite right... it was only 5 o'clock in the afternoon!

After a rough night of sleep, he woke up not feeling any better. In fact - he was worse! So - after MUCH encouragement (okay... persisting) from me, he decided to go to the hospital to "get checked out".

Boy - am I glad he did.

My husband was having a diverticulitis attack and this time - it was more severe then the other times he'd had them. So much to the point of needing to be hospitalized immediately and consulting with a physician about surgery!

Surgery! I thought to myself. This is a man who can't even remember the last time he had BLOOD DRAWN. This is a man who's not a fan of needles and dreads the mere thought of a doctors office! How can we be talking SURGERY?!

You know - God is SOO good. I believe sometimes He keeps us from knowing certain things that will ultimately cause us worry or grief. And let me just say right now - I am MOST thankful that I didn't know the severity of His diagnosis until after I arrived in Arizona!

After consulting with the doctors, it was determined that my dear husband was in very bad shape. What we would later learn is that he had a perforated bowel and was "septic"... an extremely dangerous situation that has a very slim survival rate. The fever that had been so bad for 2 days was a warning sign that his body was in grave danger and had he NOT arrived when he did... he may very well have not survived the next 24 hours.

On December 21 my daughter and I arrived in Phoenix, Arizona via a 7 p.m. flight from Detroit. During that flight, Trevor would be undergoing major surgery (second only to open heart surgery).

For some strange reason I was peaceful. I knew he was in good hands and I knew that by the time we would arrive at the hospital, this ordeal would all be behind us. We could then get on with a "normal" Christmas.

Once again, God had different plans.

We arrived at Chandler Regional Medical Center at just after midnight on December 22. Because of the H1N1 scare, all children under the age of 13 were not allowed inside the hospital without special permission from the house supervisor or at the bare minimum a face mask and NO child was getting past the first floor. This made it very difficult for us as Chloe was only 9. However, after some persistence and discussion with the house super, we were allowed to go up to see daddy (who we were told was on the fourth floor) as long as she kept her mask on and never left my side. To make her feel less "funny looking" with her mask on, I decided to put one on too. We looked like quite a pair, and certainly daddy would think we were silly and get a good chuckle from it too!

The ride up the elevator to the fourth floor was one of the longest of my life. I was so excited to see my husband recovering nicely or even just sleeping peacefully.

When the doors to the elevator opened up there were 2 nurses standing side by side to greet us. What I remember more clearly then anything else is that they both looked at Chloe as though they were surprised to see her. As we laughed and joked about our masks, it didn't seem to change the seriousness of the look on their faces. And that felt... really odd.

I remember... I was nervous at this point. Why weren't they laughing too?

Almost immediately one of the nurses took me by my arm and said something to me I don't think I will ever forget. She said, "Mrs. Bender, we need to talk to you in private please."

At the same time, the other nurse was taking my 9-year-old to the nurses station with her. I remember looking into the eyes of my sweet little girl with a mask on trying to keep it together for her without breaking down myself from the anxiety and discontent that was welling up inside of me. Hearing those words were indeed not what I was expecting to hear and certainly unprepared to handle.

The nurse led me down the longest hallway of my life. And I remember I began arguing with her to tell me that was wrong. "WHAT is it?" I begged her repeatedly as the tears flowed and the nervousness turned to overwhelming fear.

"Mrs. Bender, I'm not the nurse who was in with your husband during surgery, and I'm not sure I understand all that happened, but there were some complications and your husband isn't yet awake from the surgery."

As she continued, my heart sank. "After the procedure we took him to a regular recovery room where we take patients following surgery. At some point he became unresponsive and so we had to re-intabate him and he is currently downstairs in ICU."

I'm telling you now - NOTHING could have prepared me for hearing these words. Nothing.

I don't even remember exactly what happened next, except for them telling me that Chloe wouldn't be allowed to see him because of the "condition" he was in. So they took her away to another room with a bunch of stranger while I was taken to the room where my husband laid... unconscious.

I remember seeing my dear, sweet husband lying on that bed surrounded by all those wires and monitors. Definitely the scariest singe moment in my entire life. As I stroked his hair I remember CRYING out to God to spare his life. I wept as the unbearable images ran through my head. Images of life without him. Images of life as a single parent. Images of never seeing him laugh again, joke again or see his daughter be married. It's amazing the things that run through your head during a devastatingly painful experience.

After sitting with him a while nurses encouraged me to get some sleep. After all, I had a daughter who still needed me and I was in the middle of a gigantic city I knew nothing about.

They explained to me that he would be in that "condition" for a little while longer. His body had just underwent a tremendous amount of shock and they reassured me that they would be monitoring his every second of recovery.

That night, back at the hotel, was the longest night of my life. As I laid there holding my young child the sobs would not cease. On my knees I pleaded for one more chance to see my husband. I begged God for a miracle. Through my tears, I prayed and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.

Like I've never prayed before.

For anything.

And every hour I called that hospital. Praying for good news.

And every hour I received the same response, "No Mrs. Bender, your husband has not woken up yet."

"PLEASE God" I begged, "PLEASE let me talk to him - one last time." "PLEASE God, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE."

And finally... one last phone call was made to the hospital.

This time... with the best news these ears could have heard.

"Oh, Mrs. Bender, your husband is awake and asking for his girls!"

DEAR GOD! THANK YOU!!!!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I could barely get my hands to work to get my cloths on and get out that door of the hotel and into that rental car to take us to the hospital to SEE MY HUSBAND!

Praises to God filled that car. From both Chloe and I.

PRAISE God for this miracle of life.

PRAISE God for His grace and mercy.

PRAISE God for His provision.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I can never describe to you the joy that filled our lives that morning as we celebrated ONE more day with the man God designed for me to love. The overwhelming thankfulness we had far surpassed anything I'd ever felt before.

I believe God allows situations to happen in our lives that cause us to CLING to Him with FULL dependence which will in turn cause us to give THANKS to Him and PRAISE Him with everything we have!

This THANKSgiving I am thankful for SO many things.

I have been richly blessed.

I am THANKful for the miracle of LIFE.

May I NEVER take for granted another moment.

Every breath comes from Him and to Him I say... THANK YOU!

Feeling Thankful...

This year I thought I'd jot a few of my thankful thoughts down as this Thanksgiving day quickly approaches.

I'm THANKful for...

My wonderful husband who makes my life complete!
My beautiful daughter for giving me a reason to want to be a better person!
My mom and dad who gave me life and who stand beside me no matter what!
The awesome work I get to do every day of my life!
My friends who know me well and STILL love me!
My dog who teaches me every day about loyalty!
The volunteers I have the privledge of serving alongside of each week who teach me what it means to truly give your life away!
CHOCOLATE! This one goes without saying, right?
My mother-in-law for living such a selfless life!
My great nieces and nephews and all the smooches I get from them!
SNOW! I LOVE SNOW!
Coca-Cola - the drink that's gotten me through many a mornings!
My health.
My trusty Trail Blazer. It's not the greatest, but it's reliable and always gets me where I'm going.
My small group. They pretty much ROCK!
Email! What would we do without email?!
God! For sending His son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross for ME! For His grace, mercy and love!

What are YOU thankful for this year?

Happy Thanksgiving!!