Week Five: A Perfect Mess

It was another exciting night as we continued our journey through A Perfect Mess by Lisa Harper. Chapter five, When God's People Lose Their Groove, proved to be another rich chapter as Lisa shared with us, her readers, how God's love frees us to grieve honestly while never losing sight of the supernatural hope we have in Him.

The basis for this chapter was this... What does Psalm 42 teach us about dealing with our less-than-lovely emotions?

What? Less-than-lovely emotions? Are you kidding me? Are Christians entitled to having less-than-lovely emotions?? Really?

Well I certainly hope so!

Last night I shared very openly and candidly with our women's group about my most recent messy-life story. I bore my soul about a situation that happened recently with my daughter and how I let my less-than-lovely emotions get the best of me during an event that should have been nothing less than joyful for her. But thankfully we serve a God who is bigger and better than any problem we face. Thank God for His mercy and grace and for allowing us second chances as we struggle through the failures and frailties this side of Heaven. And as Lisa says on page 77, "Thankfully, the gospel frees us from pretending everything in our life is honky-dory when it's not. God doesn't demand that we be perpetually perky." I really needed to read this... especially this week!

We see a sort of internal wrestling match going on in Psalm 42 as the descendants of Korah express their obvious lament for happier times in their lives. You can see the struggle they had between knowing that their God was the rock of their salvation and finding hope and strength in Him, all the while feeling so defeated by their obvious struggle. It's clearly demonstrated in verses 9 and 10 when these words were penned from utter despair... "O God my rock,” I cry, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”

And isn't that our struggle at times. Lisa describes an example of this on page 80. Our mind wonders why suffering takes place at the very same time our hearts are praising along with "How Great Is Our God" on Sunday morning. Hands raised with heavy hearts.

I remember a time recently when I experienced this type of lament. When I felt this sort of wrestle with God.

It was 4 days before Trevor's surgery (a major life-threatening surgery) last June and I was at church. Here I was... a believer. A Christ-follower. The first person to tell about the goodness of a merciful God and yet I couldn't stop the flow of tears from my eyes as the worship music began. I knew my God "had this" and that no matter what the outcome would be - God was still good and I was still loved. But even as my head was filled with this knowledge, my heart was hurting and heaving for all that we were facing as a family. I can relate to the words of Psalm 42 as these were my own in those terrifying days of uncertainty.

And so I was comforted when I read Lisa's words on page 81... "There is no shame in confessing we feel far away from God; it certainly doesn't surprise Him."

We all face those times when we feel as though we've lost our groove. And you know what? It's okay! Psalm 42 "reminds us of the freedom we have to pour out the messy sorrows of our hearts to our heavenly Father instead of trying to suppress the sad stuff." (Page 83.)

I was stopped dead in my tracks as I read the line on page 83 that says, "And trying to cruise through life in the single gear of 'happy' makes for an ineffective witness. How can we expect others to connect with our faith story when we've edited out the hard parts, the parts they most identify with?"

WOW!

And so... I ask you this...

Are we becoming a road-block for people on their faith journey because we lack authenticity and a life that demonstrates our weaknesses thus highlighting God's goodness through us?

Our society tends to think censoring our pain is the real deal... but I disagree. I think it's time to "do real" with others. Just be real. By being real we will allow them to see that God can do so much more with us through our brokenness than He would ever be willing to do with our attempted perfectionism.

Lisa says on page 85, "Some of the most joyful people I know - certainly the most believable believers - are those who've waded honestly through woundedness. Those who've trudged through difficult seasons only to come out communing with God more deeply."

Through our brokenness... we can be made whole with our Savior.

And she says it again on page 86, "Authentic joy is often forged in the kiln of ache. Horrible messes really can lead to hope-filled messages."

She ends with this most beautiful imagery on page 87... "When we tell God where and why it hurts, we will experience divine embraces that last until our souls stop quivering. We will hear comforting whispers that mute our cries of distress. We will sense nail-scarred hands, reaching down to tilt our faces toward Him, followed by the promise, "I'm right here... I'll never leave you."

Oh thank you Jesus!

And so I end with asking this question of you... What happened on your most recent terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day?

Tell God about it. Tell Him where it hurts and how horrible you feel. He understands the suffering. Remember - He too felt the shame of undeserved punishment. He felt alone and deserted. He felt rejected and abandoned. He knows. He cares. He loves and He has promised to never leave you or forsake you.

He can and WILL use you if you give Him all of the broken pieces of your life.

You are beautiful. You are loved. You are a child of God.

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

Week Three: A Perfect Mess

Wow! If there was a chapter that has ever hit me square between the eyes... it was this one. Chapter Three: Tumbling Toward Approval, was indeed a chapter this weary soul needed to read. And will need to keep reading in the future I'm sure of it!

This week our Psalm focus was Psalm 139... and how it describes the way God sees the beauty behind our blemishes. I love the quote she highlights at the beginning of the chapter... "Unfortunately, often our faith doesn't penetrate to our unfavorable feelings about ourselves." - Marva Dawn.

And isn't that true? We know we serve a God who loves... we know the scriptures are clear about the way He loves and we tend to believe it with our whole hearts yet its often hard to accept the personal application to our lives. We struggle with the hard questions like "I know God loves me, but how can He love me intimately?" and "How can God love me after the messes I've made?" These are questions I know I have wrestled with in my own life. And more often than I'd care to admit.

My personal struggle isn't that I don't see how God could love me intimately or even after the messes I've made (and I have had my FAIR SHARE of mess-ups in my life). My struggle seems to be with the expectations I put on myself. The expectations to be perfect. I seem to struggle with the person I am and the person I know God has called me to be. It's the gap between that seems to be my biggest weakness. This hole leaves room for doubt. I place so many expectations on myself that when I fail at any of these I feel as though I've disappointed more than just me. I feel as though I have let others down and fear that God will be displeased with me as well.

I hope I'm not alone in this struggle.

On page 43, Lisa says, "It's easy to fall prey to the feel-good addiction of other people's approval." But she continues, "life-by-scorecard is exhausting."

I've been there before. Saying yes to anything I was asked to do just to be accepted and respected. Always trying to outdo my last big thing so that others would take notice and perhaps like me more. And so much of these feelings stem back to our youth, don't they? If you're like me, you spent years trying to make your daddy proud of you. Maybe this manifested itself in negative ways - like acting out to get his attention. Perhaps we had a mom who demanded excellence from us leaving us feeling as though we could never quite measure up to her expectations. Maybe your parents expected all A's from you on your report card, so when you brought home that C+ in Biology your Junior year of High School, they're disappointment in you was almost unbearable. Maybe it's a boss you've always worked so hard for or a husband you're always striving hard to please. But chances are - at some point in your life you've struggled with gaining approval of others. In one way, shape or form, you've wrestled between the excellence factor and the label of perfection.

Lisa begins the introduction of Psalms 139 on page 44 with these words, "On those days - or weeks! - when we feel like we don't measure up, like our lives are one long blooper reel, we can find hope in what King David wrote in Psalm 139: 'O Lord, You have searched me and you know me.' (Psalm 139:1)"

We continue on with more of that same Psalm, "You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O Lord." (Psalm 139:2-4).

Ladies - God KNOWS us. He knows our thoughts. He knows our ways. He knows us completely and intimately. And I don't know about you - but that is reason enough to SHOUT with joy!

Lisa says on page 45, "He doesn't merely deliver me, but wholeheartedly delights in me." Amen!!

I had a recent experience with my daughter that left this mama reeling with emotions. Chloe is 11 and she is really struggling in her sixth grade year! I have to admit that I saw it coming. I remember my sixth grade year and I can honestly tell you that it was the worst year of my entire school career. But Chloe has always LOVED school... so it's been completely out of character for her to come home in tears day after day expressing her sincere detest for school. It's gut-wrenching to see her precious face marked by sadness when just last year she craved school on a daily basis.

One evening as I was on my way to bed, I heard some whimpering coming from Chloe's room. My first thought was that she didn't feel well, but upon further investigation I discovered it was, once again, tears of sadness at the mere thought of facing another day of school.

We spent some time talking about "so-called friends" who had changed and no longer hung out with her. We talked about bullying and how hard it was to stand by and be a witness to sixth grade injustice. And I tried like any good mom to reassure her that these times, they would soon pass. That these kids, they all still liked her and furthermore were probably going through the same emotions as her. That these experiences, were something each of us had to go through. I tried to explain that God calls us to go THROUGH these difficult situations, and not just "in" to them, expressing to her that there would indeed to a light at the end of the tunnel. But as hard as I tried to explain away these frustrations, the more I realized all she really needed was a mama who listened. All she really needed was for me to "know her" and "love her" intimately enough to not allow her to be alone in her misery. So - - I crawled right up beside her in her bed and with my arms wrapped snug around her... I cried with her.

I knew no other way to comfort her soul... but my prayer was that my presence with her on that Sunday night, would be felt by her years later as she recalled the difficulty enduring sixth grade.

And oh that's so much like our Heavenly Father! On page 47 I find Lisa's words so comforting, "On our worst days, when we're trying to hide our misery or conceal our failures, our perfect God doesn't stand at a distance, waiting for us to pull ourselves together. He crawls right in beside us, amid the dust bunnies and clutter of our lives, to show that we're never alone in our messes." She continues, "No matter where we go, no matter what we do, God is with us. His holy hands won't let go of us."

He crawls right in beside us! What wonderful imagery!

Psalm 139:13-14 says, "For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Ladies... WE are fearfully and wonderfully made! And more reassurance comes from the pages of 48 & 49, "Before your biological dad ever made the first pass at your birth mom, God knew there would be a YOU. He planned your first breath long before your mama's obstetrician smacked you on your bare bottom. God fashioned every cell, sculpted each bone, and painted the color of your eyes and skin. Then He stepped back and said, 'Isn't she lovely?'"

Isn't she lovely?? (You've got that Stevie Wonder song stuck in your head now, don't you? ;)

You see - there is no one we should aim to please more than our Heavenly Father. He adores us. We are His craftsmanship and His prized possessions. He longs for us to spend our lives concerned only with what He has to say to us and about us.

"God's love frees us from performing so we can relax and rejoice with the assurance that He knows us completely and adores us just as we are." (Page 53).

At the end of my life I long to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." And really... that is all that really matters.

Thank you for continuing on this journey with us through A Perfect Mess. I trust that God is working on your heart as you seek to please Him!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

Week Two: A Perfect Mess

I am blessed beyond measure for the privilege and honor of being with some amazing women on Thursday night. I know I'm sounding a bit like a broken record, but there is no where else I would rather be than with these ladies for this hour and a half on Thursday night! Thank you, Jesus, that you made a way for us to study Your word and for loving us enough to meet us where we are but for not being content to leave us there. I am in awe of Your mercy and grace!

Chapter two, Leaping Over Legalism, proved to be another rich chapter as we discussed the ways "religious rules" can get in the way of our relationship with the Father.

It was my Senior year of high school and I was... well... to put it mildly... a little on the rebellious side. I didn't care for "rules" so much. I don't think it had as much to do with rules not applying to me as much as it did with my inherit desire to see how far I could test the waters and get away with something clearly identified as a "rule". I knew rules applied to me. I knew I was expected to follow them, I just wanted to push the limits as far as I could to see if I could actually get away with disobedience.

And it worked a lot of the time. It worked for me my Junior year when our skirts would get measured at the beginning of the school day to make sure they were to the knee or below. I'd get measured and then immediately run to the bathroom where I would hike it up and roll it down at the waist in order to look cooler with a shorter skirt. And it worked my Senior year when I would park in the teachers lot because it was closer than the Senior lot and no one ever noticed. Well.. until that teacher came back from maternity leave. And even then I figured something else out that worked even better.

And here's the thing... I know we have rules to live by. I know that. I know you shouldn't kill your neighbor. I know you should drive the speed limit. I know you should not wear white after Labor Day. I know these things. But I just wonder how many of our "rules" as Christians are actually tripping up new believers in such a way that it's actually turning them off to their faith in Jesus.

I heard the lyrics to a song the other day that made me thing of this very thing. It's called Jesus Friend of Sinners by Casting Crowns. There's a line in the first verse that says, "People are on there way to Jesus, but they're tripping over me."

I don't want to be a stumbling block for people. I don't want to be in the way of their authentic relationship with their Savior. Just the opposite. My heart's desire is that when people who are non-believers look at me - they will see something in me that they want for themselves. In other words... I want God to use me in such a way that my daily walk with Him alone will make such an impact on the world around me that they, too, will want to know how they can have a relationship with the Living Water.

That is my sincere desire and my daily prayer for my life.

But living in our world is messy. It's difficult. And often times painful... even (and sometimes especially) for Christians. We give our lives to Christ with sometimes a view of perfection for our future, yet the opposite is true. Carrying the cross... which Jesus instructs us to do (Luke 9:23)... is a difficult task. A serious act of obedience and a necessity of Christian living.

And there's clearly been rules spelled out in scripture that we must live by if we desire to live a Christ-filled life. Rules like the ten commandments which God designed for our protection and well-being. But focusing on rules as opposed to a relationship can often times be a deterrent for a seeker in search of grace.

I love what author, Lisa Harper, says on page 29, "Walking in faith means trusting in God alone, not in what we say or do or wear. It means being honest about the fact that each of us is a mess and we need God's mercy. It means recognizing our complete dependence on His protection, provision, and providence."

She goes on to say on that same page (29), "I think fixating on our own competency - or obsessing over our incompetency - is one of the biggest mistakes believers make. Because when we focus all our energy on trying to be in control, we forget our innate sinfulness and our desperate need for God."

Our Psalms verse this week is Psalm 62. It's a psalm written by King David during a time scholars believe he was facing a family crisis involving his son, Absalom, who betrayed his father in some of the worst ways imaginable. In the beginning of the Psalm (vs 2) David pens these words, "He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken." However, when you hop over to verse 6, David seems to have shifted his thinking and gained some strength by saying, "He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken."

I shall not be shaken. Period.

Lisa writes on page 33, "David's still the same mistake-prone man he was when he started the Psalm. In fact, the slight mood swing from verse 2 to verse 6 reflects the genuine wrestling of a regular guy, not the fake piety of someone pretending to be perfect. David isn't playing the part of a big hero here; the Holy Spirit just reminded him of how huge his God is."

I wrote at the bottom of my page, "In our weaknesses and inadequacies - our job is to make God great through them."

And you have to love what she says on page 34, "No one but God deserves our absolute devotion. Whether prosperous or poor, human beings aren't worthy of worship. If we put our hope solely in humanity, were going to need a whole lot of Prozac." Amen to that!

Lisa ends the chapter with this on page 36, "God's love frees us from meaningless rules and religious propriety, which means we can live authentically and abundantly by relying on Him instead of ourselves."

Here are some of my bottom lines to this chapter:

We, as believers, are called to stand out. To be set apart from the world. But we can't allow our rules and regulations to misguide people who are in desperate search for the Savior.

We must seek God's face daily and listen to what He has to say to us.

We must recognize our complete dependence on His protection.

God used David in a mighty way in spite of all of his failures... because he learned how to give praise to God in and through anything and everything.

It's not about us - it's all about Him.

Thank you for joining us for another week of A Perfect Mess. I believe God is just getting started with the transformations He wants to make in our lives! Praise Him!

Enjoy reading friends!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

Week One: A Perfect Mess

I have the sincere blessing of meeting with some wonderful ladies every Thursday night for a book study. No where else I would want to be on a cold, snowy Thursday night! This will be our second study since the inception of Women of Thanks and we are studying an amazing book entitled A Perfect Mess by Lisa Harper. Lisa describes her book this way...

"On those days when french fries litter the floor of your minivan, when you think bad words about other drivers, when your smile hides an anxious heart - in those moments when you fall short of all you'd hoped to be - what does God see when he looks at you? In your less-than-lovely moments, God sees a precious daughter in need of His perfect love."

Lisa is a master story-teller who weaves her real-life stories with humor and honesty. It's a breath of fresh air to read from a writer who is authentic about her faith and how God used her in all of her messes and mistakes, to make significant Kingdom impact on this generation of women!

You can watch more on Lisa here as she describes how she came to writing this book... A Perfect Mess...



What I appreciate about this book is that it takes you through the Psalms in a very practical way. We're not reading about people who had their lives all together. We're not reading about people who were perfect... in actuality, we're reading about people who in Lisa's words are "bemoaning something". People who came humbled before God who were imperfect. Who messed up. Who were broken and weary and tired and weak. And who can't relate to people like that?

As children we loved to play dress-up... but as adults, don't we do the same thing? Don't we try to mask our true feelings in an effort to "compete" for perfection? I know I am guilty of this time and again as I look back over the course of my life. And I'm sure you've found yourself there too... in a similar situation... You're on your way to church... you get into an argument with your husband about the lack of attention he's given you lately, you're yelling at your kids because they made you late AGAIN and you have NO desire to go to that family picnic later in the day that you still have to make eight pounds of potato salad for and you haven't even been to store to get the potatoes yet! Oh - but as you walk inside the church doors, anxiety still at an all-time high, you burst through all smiles. And when someone greets you with "Good Morning, how are you today?" you confidently lie and tell them, "GREAT! How are you?"

Really? Great? And just moments before you were ready to start a war with the very people you love more than anything on planet earth including the family dog?

But isn't this what we do?

Because heaven help us if we don't "appear" to have it all together!

Lisa speaks very clear to this in the opening pages of chapter 1, Walk This Way. She talks about an experience she had purchasing a pair of black, knee-high, leather boots in Chicago with her girlfriends on the night before a big event in which she was a speaker. As much as she loved them - they were extremely uncomfortable. In fact her girlfriends could tell that she was having a difficult time walking in them - but she was not about to let them think they were anything less than perfect! She ends up buying the clearenced boots and wearing them the following evening to her speaking engagement. I laughed out loud when I read her words on page 8, "I no longer had any sensation in my toes. I limped mincingly to the podium and tried to focus on speaking while fearing my feet were in the initial stages of gangrene."

And so the question... when was the last time you hobbled around in pain due to your own foolish choices?

I can think of countless times when I metaphorically "hobbled around" due to some poor choices... Poor eating habits, poor exercising habits, poor choice in boyfriends growing up. You name it! Lisa says it best on page 8 when she says, "we must follow our heavenly Father's path instead of being lured off course by what ungodly people proclaim to be fashionable. And this ode to obedience includes a warning as well: attempting to be hip in ways that aren't cool with God will ultimately lead to hobbling around in pain, separated from the only One who loves you unconditionally."

The Psalm focus for this week is Psalm 1:

"Happy are those who don't listen to the wicked, who don't go where sinners go, who don't do what evil people do."

The Hebrew word for "happy" in Psalm 1:1 can be translated as "blessed". Here we aren't talking about being happy people all the time. People with fake smiles to mask the pain. No. Instead we who know Christ as our personal Savior, understand that there is a BIG difference between being happy and being filled with JOY. This should bring us all a little relief. While we are here in this world there are going to be days when we just don't feel "happy". When the smile won't come... when the road is hard... when the pain runs deep. But we DO have reasons to be women filled with the joy of the Lord. Because when we follow His path for our lives... when we live in obedience to His commands... JOY will come. It will indeed flow from our relationship with the Father.

And the bottom line to Psalm 1 is this: happiness can't keep company with wickedness. We must keep ourselves away from those things that lure us away from the best that God has for us. God calls us blessed. We were made for so much more than this world has to offer!

Psalm 1 continues:

"They love the Lord's teachings, and they think about these teachings day and night. They are strong, like a tree planted by a river. The tree produces fruit in season, and its leaves don't die. Everything they do will succeed."

We are to be like trees planted by a river whose roots grow deep. Nourished. Strengthened. Spiritually healthy. That is God's desire for His children. For our roots to run deep in Him.

Lisa takes us through the New Testament scripture in Matthew regarding sheep and goats. When Jesus teaches on doing to the 'least of these' (including feeding and clothing and housing) He says "Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored that was me - you did it to me". Sheep will be the ones who do this as Jesus... while goats on the other hand will be the ones who didn't do as Jesus and by doing so ultimately ignore and reject Jesus.

I love her illustration of sheep here. And she describes this well on page 19, "they (sheep) have walked closely with Jesus and have begun to mirror some of His mannerisms. It's not that they're inherently better than the wicked guys; sheep and goats are both stinky; hairy manure machines." She goes on to say that "furthermore, my veterinarian friends tell me that goats are actually smarter than sheep. That means that sheep don't have more intrinsic value than goats. The real reason they're elevated in this gospel imagery is their relationship with the Shepherd."

So - wait a minute. Goats are the bad guys and they are actually "smarter" than sheep?? It's more proof that God uses the weak in the world to shame the strong (1 Corinthians 1:27). It's another demonstration of sheep being elevated in scripture due to their inherit ability to obey they master. We are ultimately and thankfully separated from the goats because of our RELATIONSHIP with Jesus.

And so the next question... am I a goat or a sheep?

I'm looking so forward to our time together during this study on A Perfect Mess. I believe God is going to do amazing things as we discover all the ways God loves us!!

Enjoy reading friends!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com