Code Blue

Recently my family and I went through a pretty scary event. My husband had major surgery on June 17 and I must admit that many of us were fearful of the outcome. We knew God was in control. We knew that we had many (MANY) people who were fervently praying for us. And still, we were scared.

As I've said many times on this blog, my prayer daily is that God would make me a blessing to others. That God would use me in a powerful way. Every single day I pray that God will empty me of me and fill me with more of Him. Yet I found myself in a place where if using me to be a blessing to others caused me to have to give up the love of my life, my husband, well... then maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought I was.

During the first couple hours of his surgery a loud voice came over the intercom system at the hospital. We had been used to these announcements for a while now... paging this doctor and that doctor. But this one was different. We knew this one was different. Perhaps it was the urgency in her voice. Maybe it was how THIS announcement was more crystal clear than any other one we'd heard that morning. And so... at a table surrounded by people I love the most in this life... we listened. Intently. And here is what it said...

"Attention Hospital... CODE BLUE on surgical floor 2. Attention... we have a CODE BLUE on surgical floor 2."

THIS was my husband's floor! I felt my knees go weak. I felt my heart sink deep into my chest. For a minute I lost it. I felt hot all over. Sick to my stomach and more fearful than I've ever been in my life. And then these thoughts came over me... WHY isn't anyone at my table talking? Could it be that they are as worried as I am? WHY would God take Him from me? This can NOT be happening.

Was this what Paul meant when he talked about suffering for Christ in the New Testament?
Was this this kind of suffering Romans teaches that produces perseverance?
Was this the suffering of Christ?
Was this God's design?
Was this God's purpose of using me to be... a blessing?

For several minutes I was frozen in fear. Unable to talk. Paralyzed.

And then the news came. It wasn't him. Praise GOD!
Thank you Jesus!
Our sighs of relief were heavy in the room.
We were grateful.
Thankful.

But...

Even though the Code Blue didn't belong to our loved one... it belonged to someone. Another family. Someone else's suffering. Their pain had just begun. Our relief was their reality. And thus, once again, my heart was heavy for these who were... left behind.

My husband came out of surgery 8 hours later and we were PRAISING GOD for His protection and His provision... for tremendous surgeons, wonderful doctors and phenomenal nurses who took care of my husband during some of the scariest hours of our lives.

But that family... the one who had lost their loved one on that day.. June 17th. They were still heavy on my mind.

And it got me thinking...

We will all face our own Code Blue one day.
All of us.
Not one of us is exempt.

There will be a time when we will all face our final days. Our final hours. The day that God will call us from this earth to begin an eternity in one of two places.

It's coming.
Our own Code Blue.
It could be today. It could be tomorrow. It could be next year, or it could be 25 years from now.
But we can be sure of one thing. It will come. One day.

So... it got me thinking even further. How are we living today? What kind of life are we living today that will make a difference for tomorrow? How are we allowing God to use us for His glory?

Who's lives are we touching?
Who are we lifting up in prayer?
How are we serving our spouse?
Is our focus on earthly possessions that will pass away or on things of eternity that will last forever?
How are our relationships?
When others see us - do they see the love of the Father?
Do we forgive those who've wronged us?

Life is short. We're only here for a while. Passing through this life. Our goal this side of heaven should be focused on shining for His glory and drawing people to Himself. When others look at us - they should see Jesus and all He died for us to have.

As Gloria Gaither says, "Jesus intended for us to be overwhelmed by the blessings of regular days. He said it was the reason He had come: 'I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.'"

These are the regular days we're living now. But they're the reason Jesus came. The reason He died on a cross. So that we could experience life abundantly. To live fully. To make each day count. Because the bottom line is - no one knows when the end is coming.

John 9:4 (HCSB) says, "We must do the works of Him who sent Me while it is day. Night is coming when no one can work."

In a devotional book called A Heart of Forgiveness (100 Devotions for a Woman's Heart), day 81 has this to offer about making each day count...

"The words of John 9:4 remind us that "night" is coming for all of us. But until then, God gives us each day and fills it to the brim with possibilities. The day is presented to us fresh and clean at midnight, free of charge, but we must beware: Today is a non-renewable resource - once it's gone, it's gone forever. Our responsibility, of course, it to use this day in the service of God's will and in accordance with His commandments. Today is a priceless gift that has been given to you by God - don't waste it! Don't stand on the sidelines as life's parade passes you by. Instead, search for the hidden possibilities that God has placed along your path. This day is a one-of-a-kind treasure that can be put to good use - or not. Your challenge is to use this day joyfully and productively. And while you're at it, encourage others to do likewise. After all, night is coming when no one can work..."

I know from experience that often times we focus on things that don't matter. We worry about things we can't control. We spend our days focused on things that won't matter a week from now, let alone in eternity. What matters most to God is that we spend every second of our lives worshiping Him and bringing Him honor and glory. Every day belongs to Him and every breath is a gift from a God who loves us more than we could ever imagine (Eph 1:4, "Long ago, even before He made the world God loved us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes.").

How are we living our lives? How are we making each day count? How are we pleasing the Father with our passion for His creation and how are we displaying His love to His children?

Night is coming. Our code blue will be here one day... there's urgency in deciding NOW how we are going to live for Him!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

In Honor of Father's Day, Part 2

Father's Day is coming and I wanted to do something special here on my blog to honor the two most amazing men in my life. Today's post... My Hubby, Trevor (pictured here at Mackinac City with my Chloe).



Dear Trevor,

Today I'd like to honor you by sharing "Trevor Bender in 100 words or phrases"...






Generous
Faithful
Caring
Loving
Honest
Smart
Funny
Considerate
Happy
Content
Peaceful
Thoughtful
Amazing
Provider
Protector
Defender
Friend
Brother
Son
Uncle
Nephew
Cousin
Husband
Daddy
Helper
Talented
Cook
Creative
Organized
Neat
Supporter
Survivor
Careful
Ambitious
Encourager
Strong
Blessed
Honorable
Giving
Engineer
Handsome
Likable
Humble
Shy
Sensitive
Respectful
NCIS
Seafood
Lake
H2 Hummer
11:11 p.m.
Dave Ramsey
Talk Radio
Country
Travel
Tan
Diet Coke
Four Wheeling
Razor
Zero Turning Lawn Mower
Tractor
Leader
Technology
Problem-solver
Movies
Bonfire
Wrestling
Photographer
Heath Bar
Vanilla
Audiobooks
Coffee
Sensible
Adventurous
Affectionate
Dependable
Hospitable
Easygoing
Loyal
Mints
Nature
Example
Brave
Peanut Butter
Oatmeal Cookies
Fruit Punch Gatorade
Advice Giver
iPad
Selfless
Hard-working
Hudson Tiger
Best Friend
Bones
Travis
Spike
Buddy
Observant
Perfectionist
Informed
Private

I love you for so many reasons... but mostly for loving me and for being the best husband I could ever ask for. You are my reason for getting out of bed in the morning and the ONE I look forward to coming home to at the end of the day! You still make me smile! :)

Love, love, love you!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

In Honor of Father's Day, Part 1

Father's Day is coming and I wanted to do something special here on my blog to honor the two most amazing men in my life. Today's post... My Daddy (pictured here in 2006 with my Chloe and my sweet mom).




Dear Daddy...

On this, Father's Day 2011, I want to THANK YOU for giving me many reasons to love you...



Thank you for loving me unconditionally.
-There has never been a time when I didn't feel your love for me.
Thank you for the way you always provided for mom and I.
-Even when times were tough, you worked hard to provide for us.
Thank you for your generosity.
-You've always demonstrated Godly giving.
Thank you for your protection.
-You've always protected and defended me.
Thank you for always being on my side.
-No matter what, I have always known you had my back.
Thank you for teaching me practical life skills.
-I've always admired your wisdom and problem solving skills.
Thank you for your sense of humor.
-You've always made me laugh and taught me the importance of never taking myself or life too seriously.
Thank you for your honesty.
-I learned to trust because of you.

For giving me life.
For helping me up when I fell down.
For demonstrating Godly character.
For having patience.
For listening.
For laughing.
For loving.
For teaching.
For forgiving.
For supporting.
For growing.
For choosing to stay and be the kind of dad others should envy.

THANK YOU.

Thank you for living out this verse:

Deut 6:5-7, "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up."

I love you!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,



www.wendybender.blogspot.com

Fear

Fear has set in this week.
It was a doctors visit. Just a visit. All of ten minutes and we walked out paralyzed with fear.

It happens, doesn't it? Sort of sneaks in on you when you're least expecting it.

I've prayed.
I've asked for peace.
I've asked for this fear to be removed.
And yet it remains.
I wake up... it's there.
I go to bed... it's there.

He's my husband. And I love him more than anything else or anyone else in this life. Yet what I know... deep down in my soul... is that no matter how much I love him, God loves him more. And what I've learned over the course of my life is that you can NOT out-love God. You just can't do it. He IS love. It's not just what he does - it's WHO He is. And I can't compete with that kind of love.

He loved him first. He loves him more.
He's not mine, Jesus... he is yours.
And I know that.
But even still it doesn't take away this fear. The anxiety. The dread.

And so I hold on. Tightly. To a God who loves me more than I could ever know.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who knows about suffering the greatest loss a heart could know... the agonizing death of an only Son.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who's grace and mercy extends as far as the east is from the west.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who says, "Don't be afraid for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." (Is 41:10)
Oh how I hold on. With both hands. A firm grip.

I am loved.
My family is loved.
I am protected.
I am forgiven.
I am chosen.
I am strengthened.
I am victorious.
I am held.
I am carried.

Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the One who goes before you. HE WILL be with you; He will neither fail you or forsake you." (emphasis mine).

And so I choose to receive His promise. I choose to be thankful IN my circumstances.

"'For I know the plans I have for you' says the Lord, 'They are plans for good and not for disaster; to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jer 29:11)

"For I know" ... can I trust Him?
"The plans" ... His plans, not mine.
"Plans for good" ... His desires are to see good things happen in my life.
"Not for disaster" ... when we weep, He weeps.
"Hope" ... it's what I choose to hold on tightly to.

And so... I press on. There is still work to be done. Still thankfulness to be demonstrated. Love to be given.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for THIS day. I will rejoice and be GLAD in IT!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

Happy Birthday Trevor!

Today is my sweet hubby's birthday. I can't tell you how old he is... oh I might get hurt if I do. But I did want to share with you some of the reasons (in no particular order) he's still the love of life... after all these years.

1.) He is an amazing dad to our only daughter Chloe.
2.) He is the most selfLESS person I've ever met.
3.) He supports me.
4.) He encourages me.
5.) He's adventerous.
6.) He's gentle.
7.) He's kind.
8.) He (secretly) likes to shop.
9.) He serves others.
10.) He's generous.
11.) He's an animal lover.
12.) He sees me at my worst and loves me anyway.
13.) He forgives.
14.) He's a hard worker.
15.) He's a provider.
16.) He loves his mom.
17.) He's a family man.
18.) He's a good friend.
19.) He's loyal.
20.) He's trustworthy.
21.) He love's Jesus.
22.) He's a good listener.
23.) He's fun to cuddle with.
24.) He's dependable.
25.) He's fun.
26.) He doesn't take life too seriously.
27.) He likes to laugh.
28.) He's my best friend.
29.) He's smart.
30.) He's fair.

And here's what Chloe has to say about her daddy and the reasons she loves him (straight from her heart, and she DIDN'T see mine):

1.) He's considerate.
2.) He's kind.
3.) He's loving.
4.) He's giving.
5.) He likes to ride four-wheelers with me.
6.) He likes to watch NCIS with me (WHAT?)
7.) He's bright.
8.) He's encouraging.
9.) He likes pizza.
10.) He's the best daddy ever!




















I love you, Trevor. And I am proud that you are my husband!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

Fourteen Years!

Photo Credit





Dear Trevor -

Today marks our fourteenth wedding anniversary. Fourteen years. All I can say is where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday that we were embarking on this new journey together - and yet here we are... a few wrinkles and a couple gray hairs later.

We were so young when we first started out, weren't we? No real cares in the world. Money to spend on frivolous things if we wanted them. Minimal bills to pay. The world was ours for the taking. We stayed up late, slept in 'till noon and ate out just about every meal. We've seen a lot together and we've come a long way. Through all of my inadequacies and all of my failures, you still love me. You still choose me. And I am blessed beyond measure by your dedication to our togetherness. Our oneness.

Today I celebrate not just the quantity, but the quality of our marriage. Though sometimes masked with confidence when times were tough, your willingness to partner with me proves over and over again your desire to see this thing through. I admire the seriousness in which you take the responsibility you were entrusted. "Covenant, not contract" as you would say. There were times when walking away might have been easier, but you always chose God's higher calling and I could not be more proud to call you my husband.

I love being married to my best friend and I love the memories that we share. I love that you know what my weaknesses are, what my favorite ice cream is, what side of the bed I prefer and what makes me giggle. Nobody knows me like you do and I can't imagine sharing this one life with anyone else.

It's true that I am better for having said "I do" on a cold, icy day in the middle of March. And I promise to keep saying "I do" as long as God allows me air in these lungs.

What a ride this has been... and we're just getting started. Here's to 14 more!

I love being loved by you. I am, indeed, one lucky, lucky girl!

All the love this heart can hold,



1 Cor 13: 4-8 (MSG)

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end

If These Walls Could Speak

Photo Courtesy of Photobucket.com






I heard a song the other day that made me think about this. What if the walls of my house could speak. What would they say?

I'd like to say that all they've heard is good stuff. You know - love, joy, happiness and laughter. But I know that's not the case. They've seen some hard stuff. Some not so pleasant stuff. Some stuff I'd rather forget about. But they do hold years of memories. I wonder... what WOULD these walls of my house say if they could speak? Would they remember...

the time Chloe broke her arm when she was just two years old. How she was so brave and barely cried at all.

the year Chloe turned two and we had that HUGE birthday party for her. A circus theme with a jumpy, a water slide, a tent and more food than we knew what to do with.

our first Christmas in our new house with no furniture just our large Christmas tree sitting in the middle of the room. Gosh that was a special Christmas!

the time when Buddy got sprayed by a skunk and it took WEEKS to get rid of the horrific odor in our house!!

rooms filled with laughter.

the slumber parties and sleepovers.

the call I received on that Sunday morning informing me that one of my best friends was in CCU following a brain aneurysm and was fighting for her life... the days following the loss of my sweet friend. A triplet. Taken too soon. The tears flowing.

a sick little girl throwing up at 2 a.m. following an undigested meal of shrimp scampi!

the summer Chloe learned to ride a bike.

family Christmases and Thanksgivings. Overcooked turkeys and sprinkles from sugar cookies. My grandmas recipe.

And what about a sick father taking his last breaths of life after a long and courageous battle with cancer. A wife grieving for the man she so desperately loved and feeling overwhelmed by the reality of a future without him.

The good times. The laughter. The hard times. The tears. The hard work. The long days. The sweat. The pain. The sickness. The healing. The forgiving. The mess. The joy. Our life. Oh what these walls have seen! And heard!

You see - - these are the best years of our lives and we don't even realize it! THESE are the good times. These are the times to be cherished. And we're missing it... if we're not paying close enough attention. If we blink, we might miss the stuff that makes our lives so... special. Rich. Vibrant. Colorful.

Can we learn more about how to pay attention? Living... real living.. is in the small things. The HERE and NOW. Breathe deep. Take it all in. One day we'll look back and wish we could be back... HERE.

What would your walls say?

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,

From a Child's Perspective!

It's amazing to me the wonder of a child's perspective on things. Oh to be able to see the world through their lens!!

I was reading this blog post to my mom on Thanksgiving when I realized that Chloe was listening in. She was taking it all in and I believe, experiencing the pain all over again. I wasn't trying to be insensitive, I just didn't realize the impact on her little life and forgot, for a moment, that she, too, endured some tough nights as we prayed for a miracle.. for her daddy.

Unbeknownst to me, she's been writing a story, similar to mine, only from a 10-year-old's perspective and I'd like to share it with you, exactly how it was written in her own handwriting, spelling errors and all! I think it will touch your heart...

This is My Story (by Chloe Bender)
I will never forget my last Christmas. My dad had just went on a work trip and was spost to be there for a week or so. So we knew he was going to be home in time for Christmas or so we thought. He called us to tell us he was not feeling well. He thought it was some bad Mexigain food he had the night before. The next thing I know is that called us the next day to say that he had gone to the hospital. Three days later we left to go to Arazona where he had been staying. When we got there I could not go in because of the H1N1 but the sichuation was so bad the nurse came downstairs. I got upstairs and the nurse said I had to go back down. I thought it did not make any sense. Every day we went there. Finally my dad called us and said I could come in his room. I went there and as soon as I walked in that room I could tell he loved me!! I still had to wear a mask because of the H1N1. I felt safe and warm with my dad in that hospital bed. That night in the hotel I felt lost, and alone. The next say when I went to see him again it was wonderful. Then came Christmas and me and my mom were in my dads hospital room eating a big Christmas dinner, and my dad is there eating jello. That night before me and my mom had went to go get my dad a stocking and a Christmas tree. He opened his stocking with joy and happiness. That night I was in the hotel again and felt a lot more safe. My dad got better and out of the hospital, but could not go o the plain yet. So it then felt like we were on a vacation. When we got home our house had been cleaned by some friends and we had cookies and wine on the table and presents under the tree! My cousin bought me a dress. I was so thank-ful for safety and just about everything else. And that's my story!

Oh how I love that girl!! Reading this has been a gentle reminder of the tenderness and sweetness of our children. THEY have a voice too and even when we think they couldn't possibly be mature enough to handle certain situations - they surprise us with a unique perspective on life and love.

Mark 10:13... “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

Ten Things I Love About You!

So, a few weeks ago, my family started a daily ritual at the dinner table. What we realized was - the dinner table can too often times become a place for "complaining" about our days/weeks. We tend to bring all the "stuff" from our days to the dinner table and unleash it all. Okay - NOT HEALTHY! So, we decided to try something different. Every evening at the dinner table we start with prayer and then go around the table sharing one thing we love about each other. It can be anything at all! Just spending time appreciating one another is such a great booster and has really worked for us! I decided to come up with a 'top ten' list for the members of my family and would like to share them...

10 Things I love about - TREVOR
- Your sense of humor
- Your honesty (even when it hurts)
- Your patience (even though you don't think this one is true!)
- Your constant support
- Your devotion to our family and marriage
- Your humbleness
- Your generosity
- Your calming spirit
- Your helpfulness
- For being my best friend and confidant!

10 Things I love about - CHLOE
- Your sense of humor
- The way you light up the room!
- Your giggle
- Your spunky personality (I bet you get this from your dad!)
- Your cuddles at nighttime and in the morning
- Your generosity
- Your happy spirit
- Your thoughtfulness
- Your contagious joy
- Your smile!

Thank you for being my FAMILY! I thank God every day of my life for both of you. I don't know where I'd be without you...