On November 12, 2006, I lost one of my best friends, Roxanne, to a cranial aneurysm. Roxanne left behind a husband, Rob, and her darling daughter, Jamie. You know, those of us left behind focus a lot on what we've lost... but we should be focusing on what we gained from knowing Roxanne and her wonderful family. Personally, what I gained was a wonderful friend... someone I loved to laugh with, scrapbook book, share stories with and just simply do life with. Anyone who knew her loved her and I miss her so much!It's been almost 5 months and it's still just as hard today as it was on the day we lost her! But I know that my life is richer for having known her and loved her and shared her life with her.
Here is her Jamie... the legacy that Roxanne leaves behind.
Miss you, Rox!
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Eight months have now passed since we lost her. And every day is still a struggle. Some days are easier than others. It takes so much energy to try to be "ok" with this. When I read this excerpt from a weblog on grieving...it went right to my daily battle. It is indeed a lion in my midst...I will try not to pretend it's just a kitten. Because pretending saps my resolve.
when I am weak, then I am strong.
II Cor 12:10
"When trials and adversity come knocking, my propensity urges me to see what lurks outside my door and call it a kitten. Nothing can faze me. I belittle that which looms. I make it small, tame, and manageable. Simultaneously, whittling God’s size relative to that of my foe. That thing outside my door is nothing more than a kitten. There is no real problem. So, I ignore the visitor and go on about my business.
Framing it as faith, I proudly look a lion in the eyes and call it a kitten. I look down on others who are not able to do the same. Pacifying myself with whatever I can. I am too busy to answer the door. All is well.
This routine works quite nicely until, well, until it does not work at all.
When the unwanted visitor of affliction is too big, too much, and is overcoming you. When all you can quote is a different kind of bumper sticker (**** happens). When incurable is the diagnosis.
This is when the default failed me.
When a lion is at the door. There is no use denying it.
Thus, I have been witness to a strange paradox of faith. When I acknowledge that, yeah, I’m an appetizer if that beast comes calling. That, indeed, this is too much for me. When I embrace the difficulty and call it such. Then greater glory is the result.
Conceding that the situation is too big for me, acknowledges also that I need a big God. The road to strength starts at fragility. A god that cannot deal with my lions is no God at all."
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