Fear

Fear has set in this week.
It was a doctors visit. Just a visit. All of ten minutes and we walked out paralyzed with fear.

It happens, doesn't it? Sort of sneaks in on you when you're least expecting it.

I've prayed.
I've asked for peace.
I've asked for this fear to be removed.
And yet it remains.
I wake up... it's there.
I go to bed... it's there.

He's my husband. And I love him more than anything else or anyone else in this life. Yet what I know... deep down in my soul... is that no matter how much I love him, God loves him more. And what I've learned over the course of my life is that you can NOT out-love God. You just can't do it. He IS love. It's not just what he does - it's WHO He is. And I can't compete with that kind of love.

He loved him first. He loves him more.
He's not mine, Jesus... he is yours.
And I know that.
But even still it doesn't take away this fear. The anxiety. The dread.

And so I hold on. Tightly. To a God who loves me more than I could ever know.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who knows about suffering the greatest loss a heart could know... the agonizing death of an only Son.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who's grace and mercy extends as far as the east is from the west.
I hold on. Tightly. To a God who says, "Don't be afraid for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." (Is 41:10)
Oh how I hold on. With both hands. A firm grip.

I am loved.
My family is loved.
I am protected.
I am forgiven.
I am chosen.
I am strengthened.
I am victorious.
I am held.
I am carried.

Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the One who goes before you. HE WILL be with you; He will neither fail you or forsake you." (emphasis mine).

And so I choose to receive His promise. I choose to be thankful IN my circumstances.

"'For I know the plans I have for you' says the Lord, 'They are plans for good and not for disaster; to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jer 29:11)

"For I know" ... can I trust Him?
"The plans" ... His plans, not mine.
"Plans for good" ... His desires are to see good things happen in my life.
"Not for disaster" ... when we weep, He weeps.
"Hope" ... it's what I choose to hold on tightly to.

And so... I press on. There is still work to be done. Still thankfulness to be demonstrated. Love to be given.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for THIS day. I will rejoice and be GLAD in IT!

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,