I'm Scared

I have to admit something. I am scared.

It seems here lately I have an overwhelming laundry list of things I'm scared about. And I have to be honest... these fears have nearly consumed me.

I remember when Trevor and I were first married. I know I'm dating myself when I say this - but cell phones were still considered a fairly new and radical "luxury item" back then. In those days, a pager is how I communicated with my new husband.

At the time, he worked in Detroit and so his commute each day was about 3 hours! It was grueling and I used to tell him all the time I don't know how he did that for so many years!

It was nothing for him to tell me stories of car accidents he'd seen on his way to and from work every day. It was very common for him to be stuck in traffic due to a highway accident that had claimed a life of a loved one. He saw it all, and I heard it all.

I would prepare dinner and yet it was almost always a surprise as to what time he would arrive home to eat. His schedule varied and traffic was a big factor. I recall MANY nights when I would stand at our big picture window waiting for him to come home. PRAYING that God would keep him safe. I was scared. Really scared. I was consumed by my fear... and many times found myself sobbing at the thought of losing the one God had called me to love most in this world outside of my relationship with the Father. My fear, at times, literally paralyzed me.

And then I had to remind myself, again, that God was in control. He was ordering our steps and He was protecting and guiding. I had to give up the fear and anxiety before it made me physically ill.

I read recently that the phrase "Fear not" appears in the bible 365 times. Do you find that as interesting as I do? That God would choose to use those words in scripture as many times as there are days in a calendar year?

In fact, I heard recently that "Fear not" or a similar phrase such as "Do not be afraid" is one of the most commonly used phrases in all the bible.

Perhaps it's because God knew how much time we would spend worrying. Being afraid.

I love the line in my favorite movie of all times, Steel Magnolias where Julia Roberts is speaking to her mom, played by Sally Fields. Julia tells her mom, "I never worry because I know you're worried enough for the both of us."

Sound familiar?

I worry about all kinds of things. And I'm scared a lot.

Scared about those test results we're waiting on from the doctors office.
Scared about an upcoming surgery of a loved one.
Scared about the direction God is calling me to... can I do it?
... am I good enough?
... am I smart enough?
... am I talented enough?
Scared about my parenting ability.
Scared about being alone.
Scared about death and dying.

The list could go on an on.

I've heard it said many times before that, "God will not give you more than you can handle." I would push back on that and say, "Oh yes He does. And He will. But it's to teach us how to rely on Him more." We are foolish to think that we have any control over things that happen.

The bottom line is God is passionate about us and He longs to have a deep relationship with us. We have to come to Him broken and worn... with all of our fears and failures... and trust that He is going to overcome. He is bigger than our problems. He is bigger and better than the messes we're facing. He is stronger than the troubles that seem to be mounted up against us. When WE are weak - HE is strong.

My weakness is my fear. But God cannot change me... He cannot use me to make a significant difference for Him until I am willing to let go of that fear and release my worry at His feet.

Fear is the wedge that comes between me and the God who loves me and desires greatness for me. Fear is what keeps me from moving forward. Fear is the opposite of trust. I cannot say that I love God and trust that He's all-powerful, all-knowing, Redeemer, Healer and Holy, as long as I remain fearful, scared and worried. I must let go in order to fully live the life He intended for me.

The bible offers many beautiful pieces of scripture about worry and fear...

Isaiah 41:10... "Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

Isaiah 44:8... "Do not tremble; do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago?"

Matthew 10:31... "So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."

And I LOVE 1 John 4:18 from The Message version... "God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love."

God is love. When He resides in us (takes up residency within our souls), we live in God and He lives in us. There is NO room for worry or fear in us since we are filled with His love and there is no fear formed in love.

Wow.

Gives me a lot to think about.

There is NO room for fear and worry in my life as long as God has taken up residency in me and I allow Him full reign over me AND my circumstances. I just have to be willing to let love win.

Easier said than done, but I'm willing to give it a try.

Finding JOY in the JOurneY,